Suzuki Cuteness Overload

More from the 2005 Tokyo show. This year Suzuki is displaying 4 concepts, 3 of which are sickeningly cute.

First up, the a micro-wagon type vehicle, named the "Suzuki Mom's Personal Transport". Such an innovative name. So unnecessarily long, unnecessarily descriptive, and unnecessarily offensize to feminists. Also - speaking of unnecessarily offensize to feminists - notice the cheeseburger and pop in the press photos of the interior. Is that trying to say urban Mom's typically eat fast food and/or feed it to their children? Is it ok to show people that it's ok to feed fast food to your children? Was this car sponsored by McDonalds? Will there be a Suzuki Mom's Personal Tranport McDonalds Edition? If so, they should name it the Suzuki Mom's Personal Transport With Fries.

Anyway, back to the car. It isn't necessarily fugly, but that cutesy toothy smile of a grille it has going has got to go. Cars shouldn't look like cartoon characters.

Next up is another cartoon mini car that isn't quite fugly - the LC. But again, car's should be sleek and efficient - form follows fuction. This is not form follows fuction, unless the sole fuction of this car is to make Shirley Temple look like a steaming pile of dog doo. Also, I really don't like car makers who make a basic reinterpretation of car from the past solely for novelty purposes. Especially when they didn't even make it originally - this car is a ringer for a Fiat 850.

Last but not least is the least cute and most fugly of the Suzuki trio - the Ionis. It's basically a mini minivan that appears to be scowling. This may or may not be because Suzuki gave it a name that's only one letter off from Ford's big show car from a month ago - the Iosis (which was NOT fugly).

Nissan Pivo

The 2005 Tokyo Auto Show is coming, and it's stream of bizarre and useless vehicles is already being unveiled.

This concept from Nissan may appear to be an egg timer on wheels, but it's actually a car. Besides being fugly, it promises "an innovative cabin that revolves 360 degrees, eliminating the need to reverse" - the logistics of which are mind-boogling. Just because the cabin can rotate doesn't mean that you still don't have to put the car into motion using a gear that propels the car in the opposite direction. And if the engine is stationary, you'd need multiple gears for each direction (unlike the typical 5 forward gears and one reverse). Unless the engine and drivetrain somehow detach with the cabin and rotate with it, reattaching in the opposite direction (which seems needlessly complicated). So far I've found no information on how this is done.

And if you thought the car itself was trippy enough, just look at their anime style promotional material. Super fun happy car.


* Sidenote - I just realized this looks exactly like an egg timer on wheels. It even has the timing measurements on the bottom of the cab!

Attack of the Clones: Subaraab?

In an odd case of role reversal, Subaru is now stealing Saab designs.

The new Subaru B5-TPH hybrid concept to be introduced at the upcoming 2005 Tokyo auto show bears a remarkable resemblance the the Saab 9-X concept from a few years back. While it's face is in majority different (although Subaru's new nose is vaguely Saab-ish), the roofline and side profile are shockingly similar. This is especially visible from the rear 3/4 view.

Renault Argos

Another unattractive concept with an unattractive name. This car appears to be made of multiple materials, as if made of found objects. The shape is symmetrical front and back, resembling a gell-cap pill or a beetle of some kind. It doesn't appear to have taillights either, and the "innovative" doors are pretty rediculous. Sort of like a minivan but they slide into the bodywork. Sure - it hides the doors, but unlike a minivan whose doors can slide over the rear wheels, the doors on the Argo have to fit inside the bodywork. Giving this 2 seater coupe a very long profile aft of the door openings. Very inefficient.

Renault Be Bop

Renault Design unveilled the weirdly named Be Bop at the 2003 Frankfurt Motor Show. This bubble like MPV combines large teardrop-shaped side windows with a mish-mash of things going on it's face to create a truly fugly offering that just might be worse than the Fiat Multipla.

Ssangyong Actyon

It may seem like I hate Ssangyong, since I rip apart all of their offerings. But it's just because they're so damn ugly, and when they aren't ugly something is seriously odd about them. The new Actyon is one of these. Overall, the car isn't that bad looking. But it has this weird hump in the hood that reminds me of a Bootlenose Dolphin.
The rear again isn't bad, but it seems like the greenhouse protrudes too far, almost as if it sticks out further than the rear bumper.

And lastly I include the concept car which inspired the production version, which for some reason does without all the things that make the production car fugly. Yet to make up for that, they go back in time to the early 80's to kidnap some poor girl from her senior prom to model for the car.

Volkswagen New 959

Almost had me fooled there for a second! I thought I was looking at a Porsche 959, but in fact it's a cleverly disguised Volkswagen New Beetle. Who'd a thunk it??

It's a kit from a company apparently called "Duopower", and is apparently is classed as a kit car although it's clearly just a bodykit with really expensive Porsche 993 headlights.

1972 Pontiac "Race Car"

This beauty appears to be homemade. The ebay listing offers this description:

“This is a Race Car! It starts, runs and drives good… It looks to be built on a 1972 Pontiac Grandville chassis, with the original dash, and it is equipped with what looks like the original 455 V8 gas engine. It has a sheet metal body and everything has been stripped that is not necessary making it very light and extremely fast! It also has custom tires. The power steering is not working, but this car starts right up every time. We have no history on the car, such as racing history, if any, but it looks like it was built more for advertising and showing.”

So it’s a “race car” that MAY have raced, MAY have a 455 and MAY be based on a Pontiac Granville. It also MAY not be safe to drive. I'm not sure if I would buy something from someone with such vague descriptions. I would also not buy something that fugly.

VW Camaro Replica

One of the most bizarre replicas I have seen, this VW based kit replicates a truly rare American car – the Camaro. Of course I’m being sacastic. Who bought this new? Who was the target market - hicks with no money to buy a Camaro and too much time on their hands? Who would buy it used? Why on earth would you buy a bad VW based Camaro when you could buy a bad Camaro based Camaro?

Another question is exactly who made it. I’m not posting the ebay listing out of respect to privacy, but the current owner claims, “I am not sure, but I was told that the body may have been made in Muson (Monson)Mass., by a place called KAR (Leroy Sharete maybe).” That means nothing to me however. It’s based on a 68-69 “full size” VW, and the car was last registered in 1978. It has no side or rear windows, and although now bare, the interior was once fitted with shag carpeting.

Fug Free Frankfurt

So the first day of the 2005 Frankfurt Auto Show was today, and alas - it was relatively fug free. In fact, there are some of the most beautiful cars I have seen in a while there. The VW Eos (the only VW that benefits from chrome), the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder, Porsche Cayman (although that was released already), and the BMW Z4 Coupe concept. I have to say, the Z4 was not on my most liked list, but the roofline of the coupe I could stare at for hours.

Maybe day two will bring out the fuglies. Either that or we'll have to wait for Tokyo.

Fug: The Next Generation

Lately, it seems the Chinese automotive industry is full of auto design rip offs. These two are actually kind of refreshing, in that they don't imediately look like another car (although the red one has a kind of Miata/Aston Martin thing going on).

But now look at their logo. Why is God's name is it pretty much a clone of the Star Trek Federation of Planets Insignia? That was the last thing I was expecting to see adorning a car's grille.

Sadly, I can't read Chinese, so I can't find out much information about the company, brand or models. The only thing I've been able to uncover is a recurring word in the image and webpage filenames - Chuangan.

Please - if anyone has any info on who or what Chuangan is, let me know. This could very well be the start of a very clever Romulan or Klingon invasion.

2005 Peugeot Moovie Concept

Most people interested in automotive design are familiar with the fact that Peugeot has annual competitions for designing a show car, which they'll actually create and show the coming year. I thought this was very cool when I heard of it, and although I haven't submitted anything I know of people who have.

Sadly, I have no idea who picks the winner - but whoever they are, they have to lay off the drugs. In the 3 (I think?) years they've had this competition, I have to say I was not impressed with their choice of winner. The first year they choose a weird chrome plane/moon buggy called the Moonster (to be featured later), and this year their choice is this monstosity.

I'm not even sure how it works. They have no pictures of it in motion. It basically looks like a hampster ball, for humans. I also don't get the name - Moovie. I can see putting emphasis on the word "move", but why "movie"? And why ad the extra "o"? It baffles the mind...

2000 Peugeot City Toz E-Doll

At the 2000 Mondial de l’Automobile Paris motor show, Peugeot showed a whole range of concept cars, with the "City Toyz" providing one of the main highlights of the show. These 4 tiny cars were "designed with the future in mind". If the future looks like this I might as well take my life now. And don't get my started on the how they replaced the letter "s" with "z". They're tres cool.

The "City Toyz" are based on a study theme - urban mobility for the 21st century. For some reason, Peugeot wanted to show "that it was still possible to dream in the year 2000". Whether or not these dreams were had during acid trips is yet to be known.

The E-Doll is the most "unique" of the bunch. Basically an orange bubble, the concept actually contains two vehicles. The main piece is obvious - the central dome that seats 3 abroad with the driver in the centre. The second is a supermarket trolley with handles and castors, which can be disassembled (yet I'm not sure where in the tiny car this vehicle is located). It’s powered by 2 electric engines, by each rear wheel (in the grey housing).

However, it’s most fugly feature was it’s clear plastic trunk, inexplicably filled with multicoloured balls. Are future products stored in multicoloured balls? Also - why do you want your trunk see through? For ease of burglary? When I first laid eyes on this car, the first thing that came to mind was a childhood plaything - the Fisher Price pop-corn popper / lawn mower / push toy. Not exactly when I'm looking for in a car.

Fugly Rim Patrol

Might as well hit a few at once. Fugly rims are popping up everywhere - especially with the current bling trend of wheels that looks like people cut holes in bent tin pie plates. Basically all of those fit in this category, so there are too many to post. Therefore I’ll stick to the non-chromed wheels.

First up: the Daisy rim. I’m not sure who made it, but they should be shot. What other car out there could wear this rim other than the hippie reincarnate that is the New Beetle (the rims arrived shortly after the car appeared in showrooms)? Also - what company approved an aftermarket rim that was basically made for one car model?

Next is the Lexus SC430 rim, talked about breifly in another post of mine, and which has finally been replaced after years as serving as the only rim available on the SC. I think this rim has to be the worst car to rim pairing from a manufacturer in a long time.


Finally, the worst of the worst - the Ronal Teddy Bear rim. I have no idea what moron thought that up, or who would buy it. Plus - wouldn’t it have horrible balancing issues?

2005 Pontiac Grand Am

You might have heard some car companies exclaim that their "beauty is in the details". At Pontiac, the fugliness is in the details. A good example of this is the Pontiac Grand Am. It’s full of lame attempts to convey sportiness.

For example:

The "Ram-Air" hood scoops are blocked with honeycomb patterned black plastic. It’s so bad you can even see it in the press photos on their website (although possibly not in this shrunken down version).

Little aircraft-like wings and "speed swipes" are everywhere. Note the winglets on the rear spoiler.

"Speed Swipes" on the rims to convey motion. Chrome rims up the tacky factor.

Also, note the typical craptastic Pontiac interior. Large round vents, cheap plastics with bad textures, odd organic forms and eerie "Satan Orange" backlit gauges and buttons. But what makes the Grand Am interior unique is the gigantic pods housing the speedometer and tach. I think they’re supposed to look like jet engine afterburners or something. But it looks more like Dolly Parton’s bra.

Factory Rice

Dodge has now officially entered the realm of straight-from-the-factory "rice" enhancements, with non-other than the Status sedan. Yeah - I know. Weird.

It seems the 2005 R/T package on the Stratus sedan is now a lame attempt at making the car look like it belongs in the import scene, which is all that much more odd since it's basically an auto-only mid-size domestic family sedan.

It must stem from the SRT4, an extremely capable and impressive version of the Neon. Besides the Neon - which, because of it's compact size competes with those "ricer" imports - all other SRT badged Dodge vehicles are impressive and powerful cars (and trucks), but with an American feel. For example, "Got a Hemi?" It's all a throw back to the time when American cars were cheap and fast, and it's starting to happen all over again.

But the R/T Stratus is none of this. I suppose all the rest of Dodge's R/T products are relatively mildly enhanced versions of current products with more luxurious interiors, and stiffer suspension. But why the Stratus is decked out in a "ricer" wannabe spoiler and bodykit, I don't know.

Saab - the Downward Spiral

Poor Saab. GM has taken hold and is strangling the life out of the brand in a lame attempt to make it more popular. In doing so, they’ve estranged the long time fans of the brand and getting rid of its uniqueness.

At first it seemed like a good deal. Saab hadn’t had a new version of it’s 900 model in 15 years, and was drowning in red ink. GM came to the rescue with the new for 1994 900 that kept many of it’s unique traits in a nice looking package. But the GM fingers were still in the mix. The first model out was the 4 (technically 5) door hatch, with the coupe and convertible coming a year later. The lineup featured the familiar turbo and non-turbo 4 cylinders, but GM added a V6 to the lineup. The V6 wasn’t well received due to it’s low output (lower than the turbo 4) and sketchy reliability and was finally dropped in 1998, just before the 900 morphed into the 9-3. The cars remained essentially the same as the 9-3 with only a revised look, mechanical improvements and more power. The Viggen was introduced as a sports car model with wads of horsepower (225hp), but also wads of torque steer.

Around the same time the 9-3 was introduced, the 9-5 was introduced to replace the 9000. This car had a large deal of GM intervention, and was looked at with wary eyes from Saab fans. After all - it was based on a GM chassis and no longer had a hatch. But at least it was attractive and looked very much a Saab. In addition to a turbo 4, a turbo 6 was available, and was relatively well received this time around.

After this comes the redesigned 9-3. And while it’s attractive and very Saab-like, gone are the coupe, and the hatch. Only a sedan carries on the Saab lineage, which was later joined by a convertible (and a wagon that’s on it’s way).

Now things get scarey. GM wants to fill out the lineup as cheapy as possible. Mainly, the reason for all this is those freaking SUVs. Everyone seems to need one nowadays, or at least some model with four wheel drive.

First of all though, the GM beancounters think that they need a smaller car under the 9-3 to attract younger buyers. Makes sense. I would love to own a smaller, cheaper Saab. But shucks - GM has no money! What to do… Badge engineering! It’s "worked" in the past for GM. And it "works" now - just look at the Trailblazer/Envoy/Bravada/Rainier, and the Terazza/SV6/Uplander/Relay. But who to rebadge? GM doesn’t have many good small cars. I don’t think they can rebadge a Cavalier and get away with it (again - remember the Cimarron?).


But wait - they own 50% of Subaru. And Subarus all have 4WD! And they have a good, reliable turbo 4! And a hatch (well - a wagon)! Bonus! The end product - the 9-2X. I have to say that it actually is a nice looking car, if you get past the fact that from the A pillar back it looks very similar to the Impreza on which it’s based. This is what the Impreza should have always looked like… (Wait a minute - look at the new face lifted Impreza. Very 9-2X like.) The sad thing though is that although it has Saab traits, it’s only because Subaru is Saab-like in that it makes quirky turbo cars. And although the engine is a turbo 4, it’s not a Saab engine but the Subaru boxer 4. In the end, the 9-2X was well received by the automotive press - as the Impreza was and is - but hasn’t sold well. Rumor is that the poor Saabaru (as the press has dubbed it) will be axed. If it makes it through alive, it will possibly be redesigned with the Impreza is in 2009. Oh - and this Saab is built in Japan. Very Swedish.

OK, so that was strike 1. But according to GM Saab still needs a fuller lineup. What next? An SUV of course! Because SUVs are so deep routed in Saab history (now THAT'S sarcasm). But what to badge engineer. Well crap - GM only has one SUV is it’s vast empire that fits into the size needed for an upscale SUV (the Tahoe/Suburban is a tad too large). So the Trailblazer it is, and out comes the 9-7X. The 9-7X irks me. It’s soooooo un-Saab. Besides that, the Trailblazer as an upmarket European SUV seems so wrong, but that’s what they’re attempting. It even looks bad. Like the Cimarron. You know what they say - you can shine up a piece of crap, but it’s still a piece of crap. And worse yet, it uses the same hardware. And a very un-Saab selection of V6 and V8 truck engines. That being said, they did a good job of banning the typically hideous GM truck dash for an elegant Saab design. Oh - and this Saab is built in Ohio. As Swedish as apple pie and baseball.



The last fug to hit Saab is the 9-5 redesign. I had heard of rumors of the new 9-5, and I had like the original a lot so I was looking forward to what the new clean sheet design would look like. However, was unveiled was a strange looking sedan on recycled paper.

To explain the origins of this hideous beast, we must look to previous Saab concept cars. In particular the 9X and the 9-3X from 2003. This is Saab/GM’s attempt at bring the concept to production, via an ill-fated attempt at facelifting it's aging figurehead sedan. Not explained is why the headlights evolved to have strange rounded edges that ruin the look of the concept's. Or why they stole the fog light design from the Audi A3. Or why they decided to cheap out and keep part of the taillights (and the rear fenders) from the old design, but change the pieces of taillight on the trunk lids to make a strange and hideous design with an Audi-like kickup. That being said - there’s inexplicably a lot of Audi in this design. And there are no ties to Audi at Saab, so that’s some type of auto design plagiarism.

VolksBling

There was a time when Volkswagens were no-nonesense German transportation for the masses. And I’m not talking decades ago either.

In the last generation Passat and the facelift of the last generation Jetta, there was a frightening change in the styling. Chrome. Yes - they started sprucing up their models by not-so-liberally slapping chrome everywhere they could. It’s most obvious in the Jetta, as it was basically the same car with chrome bands added to the bumpers, bump strips on the doors and the grille (the Passat had a facelift along with the chromification so it wasn't as obvious or lame). Refer to the top pic for the Jetta chromification. I was frightened things would get worse, and the classic looks of Volkswagens would be ruined forever under a sea of 1950-70’s era chrome appendages that plagued American cars.

I did get worse, but in another way as well.

Slightly evident in their last generations, Volkswagens were moving upscale into a "mini-Audi" realm. The Jetta had much more content and luxury than previous generations, and the last gen Passat actually used a stretched Audi A4 platform. And of course their prices were rising too. However, now they even LOOK like Audis. Chrome slathered Audis.

It started in the new Jetta. Well - technically in the new Golf GTI that hasn’t come over yet. It’s that damn Audi "horse collar" grille. Except on Audi’s it most often looks good, and on Volkswagens it looks out of place, particularly on the Jetta/Golf. Like it was stuck on as an afterthought. The Jetta is worse off than the Golf (in fact, the basic Golfs have no Audi-grille at all). The Jetta is mainly built for North America, and it seems that therefore it must have tons of chrome. Mainly in the form of the Audi-takeoff grille and the tacky clear lense taillights. The GTI/GLI is possibly even worse off, as it grille shape is accentuated by black paint that just looks cheap.

While overall the look of the Jetta isn’t bad, it doesn't seem to look like a Volkswagen to me. It looks Japanese. The whole body save the front end looks almost like a Toyota Corolla. And those clear-lense taillights look needlessly elaborate (but then I suppose the whole car exterior is needlessly elaborate). That taillight trend started with the Toyota Altezza and in my opinion should have died a long time ago.

The new Passat looks a bit more cohesive, but at the same time looks all that much more like an Audi. In particular, the A6.

I guess all this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but what ever happened to the time when a brand had it’s own identity and style, instead of stealing someone else glory (even if it is a sister company)?

Downsizing Buick

In a shocking act of de-fugging, Buick (or should I say GM) is killing off two of it’s siblings. Actually - you might not have been aware there were two. The Rainier and Rendezvous look so similar you might have thought they were the same car.

Strangely though, Buick is keeping the Terraza "crossover" minivan. Cause you know - when I think American luxury I picture a minivan. Not only that, it no longer has a car that even resembles an SUV (well - Terraza looks like a Minivan pretending to be an SUV), which is strange given their popularity in this day of high gas prices.

The Rainier is a clone of the Chevy Trailblazer, GMC Envoy and the Saab 9-7X (and the also dead Oldsmobile Bravada). The Rendezvous is based on a modified platform that is used by the Terazza/SV6/Uplander/Relay, and is shared with the Aztec and Vue.

For those of you unfamiliar with the above: the Rainier is on top, followed by the Rendezvous with the Terraza last.

Updates...

I'm not sure how to add a banner to the top of the site, so bear with me. I'm going to attempt to post it as an image here, and then upload it up top...

Wohoo! It worked! I took the time to try to learn some of this code too and editted some stuff to match. Now I'll have to go and edit the categories. Hope you like the new look.