Attack of the Clones, Pt. 8

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Infiniti should be proud. Kia's new for 2006 Sonata twin (the Majentis, or Optima to us Canadians) bears a striking resemblance to the Infiniti Q45. Sadly, the Kia is slightly better off as it's headlights aren't so bug-eyed. Again, I wouldn't say either are fugly. But the Kia is plagarific.

SPAMMERS!

I may have to shut off comments is these f***ing spammers keep replying...

Fug My Ride

I have to say I have yet to see a "Pimp My Ride" car that hasn't turned out slightly fugly. I anyway has an pics, please email them to me. Their website is flash based, and also doesn't show many full body shots (possibly to hide the horror). I would "print-screen" and capture the images if they were worth taking.

This post was inspired from an episode I just watched, featuring a Chevy LUV. They painted it blue and added some tack on body parts that didn't look half bad. And then they stuck on some VINYL yellow and orange flames on the hood. Not only did it clash with the deep blue paint, it looked super, super cheap. Watching that show gets my blood pressure up. It's like the "Trading Spaces" of the car world.

American Celebrities + Fugly Cars = japander.com

Japander.com is an awesome site for Japanese weirdness. It's also a good site for seeing Hollywood actors at their worst. They go make these crappy ads for products they would never use, so one can only assume they did it for the money alone. Plus they wouldn't be discredited by American audiences because they would never see the ads! Or would they...

Here are the worst (car) ads on the site. First up is Charlize Theron. She's featured in a number of ads for Honda, promoting the Life minicar. Weird is an understatment. They all feature a horny puppet trying to impress Charlize. If she's not there he's fonding the car. While the puppet speaks Japanese, Charlize mostly only speaks English in the spots. And Madonna's "Like a Virgin" is inexplicably playing in the background in most of them. Not the original but a new high voiced, annoying version.

http://www.japander.com/japander/theron.htm

Stranger yet is another Honda Life ad featuring Ashley Judd. It's strangely reminescent of the Japanese ad featuring Homer's head on "The Simpsons". Also not the horrible - and English for some reason - play on words, "Hondaful Life". It may take a few minutes to process what it means, it's a pun of "Wonderful Life".

http://www.japander.com/japander/judd.htm

Subaru's New Nose

Damn you Audi! Or maybe I should say Jaguar... This vertical/retro grille thing is getting out of control. I'm a huge Jag fan, but when the S-Type came out that grille scared me. I gradually got more accustomed to it, but it's still not a favourite look of mine. In this age of full width bumpers, a vertical grille makes no sense.

I must say I like Audi's version of it as well, excluding the Rosenmeir (sp?) which is a fug feature on here. Audi has managed to pull it off, but sadly they've paved the way for others trying to draw on their heritage (aka retro).

In Subaru's case, their new CORPORATE grille represents their aviation history, which it seems no one knew they had. They introduced it on various concepts, all of which are hideous. They official introduction on a production car is hideous. The Tribeca.

The Tribeca would not quite be a handsome car, without the gaping fish mouth grille. It's "supposed" to be an SUV. Or I should say crossover. Meaning a car based tall vehicle with four wheel drive and seating for 7. Isn't that a minivan you might say? Of course it isn't. And the Outback is also an SUV. If you hadn't clued in I'm being sarcastic. The funny thing is, if they wanted it to look like an SUV, why did they put the headlights on top of the grille? It just makes it look taller and more minivan like. Imagine if they headlights were in the grille - that would look much more menacing and SUV-like.

Sadly this is not a one time issue. It's corporate, so it'll spread to the whole Subaru family. The Imprezza is already infected, as shown above. It'll be a sad day when the Legacy catches it, as it's one of the more beautiful Japanese sedans I've seen in a while.

Fug Life

I so wish I had better/more pics of this one. It's so over the top it looks like a cartoon. Almost like that cab in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". And not only does the bodystyle clash to an extreme degree, the narrow body squashes all the front end features together.

*EDIT* - I found out after the fact that this is (or was) a Honda Life.

Mini Byuck

Another Buick ripoff, based off.... something. All these damn mini minivans look the same. This one has much more bodywork done, which is more respectable. Too bad it's fugly.

Suzuki Wagon R, Retirement Version

Another Wagon R, with those damn headlights again. This one has some tri-tone paint, and a cool "I Can't Believe It's Not Metal" front bumper. The Buick teeth grille is a nice change, as are white walls. Perfect for Florida octogenarians.

RatRod Yaris

Here's a beaut! Hard to believe this was once a Toyota Yaris. Aka Toyota Echo hatch in Canada, aka a three door version of the American Echo. Special features here are a toothy chroome grille and what appear to be dirty white wall tires mounted on snazzy black pressed steel rims. Additional features include faired in rear wheels and weird downward bend rear view mirrors (also note that it looks like the stalk of the original mirrors is still there).