Imperillac

This strange hybrid was photographed in a middle eastern country. Basically, it's a 1958 Chrysler Imperial with a 1959 Cadillac Eldorado front end poorly grafted on. And for some reason, it appears to have the hubcaps off an early 90's Chevy Lumina.

Thunderbird, the Fugly Years

I'm going to cover two generations of Thunderbirds here. However, the later I find truely fugly and was the main reason for the post.

When the Thunderbird was born, it was a British ragtop and Corvette competitor. Basically a convertable, 2 seater grand touring car. However, in 1958 it morphed into a 4 seater coupe. Then back to a 2 seater coupe for 1961, and so on and so forth until 1967 - but always in a coupe form. 1967 saw the introduction of a sedan.

In the early 70's, Thunderbirds were again having a revolution. This time it was changed from a car with a sporting nature to a full size, 4 seat coupe with pure luxury intentions. This meant 1970's American luxury, which was chrome, velour sofas for seats, opera windows and soggy suspension. This generation of T-Birds was based off the Ford Torino. In 1977, Ford decided to "downsize" the car. Which was basically just cutting a few inches off either end, and still basing it off the Torino. This is the car of the first pic above.

The 1977-1979 I find to be the second fugliest of all Thunderbirds. Although it's an evolution of the previous generation, all it's styling seems to be exessive 10 times more. The multiple side windows and opera windows, the side vents, the massive grille, and the covered headlamps. And of course those unnecessarily huge and fugly taillights. However, it's only a piece of the fugliness to come.

I've already covered the Mustang II elsewhere. The Thunderbird that replaced the 1979 model followed the same horrible downsizing theme - you would think they would have learned.

The 1980 model was a true downsizing (with it's sister ship Mercury Cougar). How much you ask? It was 800Ibs lighter and 17 inches shorter. The body on frame construction was replaced with a unit-body, based on the"Fox Platform" used by the Fairmont - and ironically the Mustang (which replaced the Mustang II). Having their sports car and their more expensive luxury tourer on the same platform must have been a tough sell. Especially when it appeared to be nothing more than a fancy Fairmont with Thunderbird stying. Compare the 1977-79 Thunderbird with the 1980-82 model below it. Basically, it's a Fairmont coupe with the previous generations styling themes applied on top. And it looks even more awkward. Like 1970's excess on a smaller boxy 80's coupe.

Also, for the first time in it's history, a 4 cylinder and V-6 engines were available with the 5.0L as optional (remind you of the Mustang II?). 1981 and 1982 were essentially carryovers, except the 302 was dropped and replaced with a weaker 4.2L V8.

Although the Mercury Cougar shared this sad story, at least it looks better - even if it looked even MORE like a Fairmont. And even sadder - it was available as a STATION WAGON for some reason, which was even more of a Fairmont clone.

Were the 80's good for anything?

Civic Disobedience

The latest generation of the Honda Civic has been controversial since it was born. Many of the fans of the hot-hatch were disappointed by it's wedgy and short front overhang, and thought it looked like a minivan. I felt this way at first, but I grew to like the car.

However, in trying to spark the interest of the current speed-racer crowd, they then updated the look with what I think are the most awkward looking projector beam headlights in the world. Sure they're brighter, but they're fugging hideous. And the new "Euro" tails aren't much to look at either. Why must all Japanese companies make some form of clear lense taillights? Some look ok, but most look cheap and ugly.

Domo Arigato, MRS Zagato

Usually, Italian automotive design firms make beautiful cars. Even when modifying currently existing models. Zagato is famous for it's Zagato bodied Aston Martins for the past 40 or so years.

However a couple years ago they decided to rebody the slightly homely/boring Toyota MRS/MR2, and this is what they came out with. It sorta looks like a squashed spider or flounder. The rear end doesn't look quite as fugly, although it does sorta have a 1950's Americana feel too it.

Trabant Limo - Luxury at it's fugliest

A custom limo Trabant, of which there are many. Some are obviously a mockery of the car, much like the Yugos you see transformed into telephones and such.

However, this nuclear green version seems to be an honest attempt at a limo. Some fugly details are the numerous different windows, the 3 axles, and it's super luxerious back seat, which appears to be a mix of taxicab and 1970's furniture. Note the light fixtures.

Trabant Tramp - enough said

Behold - the Trabant Tramp. This has been yet the most hilarious automotive name yet to come across. Other than possibly the Gaylord.

Basically, the Tramp was a convertible Jeep style version of the Trabant - derived from a military use version.

East German Fug - Trabant

Ahhhh Trabant. Famous for it's smoke belching 2 stoke engines and Beetle rivalling longevity. And it's toy-like, plastic bodied fugliness. However, it has a cult following as it's easy to fix and can last for decades. But then so can lawn mowers.

Although many people familiar with the Trabant don't know it, Trabant is actually the model name. Sachsenring is the company that produces the Trabant.

The car we know as the Trabant was born in 1957. It was officially called the Trabant P50 (top pic) and featured a 500cc twin cylinder two stroke engine, which used forced air cooling like VW's Beetle. The car was built using an inner shell and floor pan made of steel. The engine, transmision, steering and front suspension were mounted on a detachable sub frame. The outer body panels were all made of Duraplast plastic. This resulted in a compact, simple, economical, car that could seat four adults. The P50 was available in saloon, estate, and van formats and volume production started in 1957. At this time the Trabant P50, the P70, and P240 were all in production at the Sachsenring factory alongside of trucks. The P60 came after, and it was basically the same car with a larger 600cc engine.

In 1964 the Trabant had a major redesign which resulted in the launch of the P601 - the car most know and love (second and third pics). This car retained the same basic concept, and the new body style provided more interior and luggage space, as well as the plain egg crate grille upfront. Particularly fugly examples had the grille, bumpers, and light surrounds painted black.

The P601 body style was the last major styling revision until the end of production in 1991. This lead many people to believe that the cars stayed the same and no further development took place. In reality the cars were constantly developed and every year saw the introduction of a number of changes. The power output of the engine gradually increased, and modifications to the engine allowed it to run with much less oil mixed with the petrol. The brakes were improved, and electrics upgrades were made. With the basic core staying the same, many older Trabants were carefully recycled by being rebuilt and updated with later components which ads to the car's longevity and easy of maintenance.

In 1988 an agreement was entered with VW to produce Polo engines which were fitted to a much modified version of the P601 usually refered to as the 1.1 (most visible was the new grille and taillights - bottom 2 pics). This was initially produced in parallel with the two stroke car. Eventually, after the fall of the Berlin wall the production of the two stroke car was phased out.

Custom Civic Fug

Found this on E-Bay. First off I have to say I really appreciate and respect the work that goes into each and every car to be transformed according to their owners vision.

Sadly, most cars in the "ricer" scene are not my cup of tea. For me, a car is to be driven, not to show off in cars shows. Or to burst ear drums. Or to play PS2 in.

This particular car wouldn't be all that bad exept for two things - the seizure inducing rainbow paint job, and those god awful clear lense "Euro/Altezza" taillights. They're - like - so 1999.

Bristol Blenheim 3

Believe it or not, this car is brand new. And unbelievably expensive.

40 or so years ago, Bristol was a well respected British marque. Yet over the years the brand has deminished in all but price to the model you see here. Basically, it's aiming for the Rolls-Royce / Bentley market, but with an ugly, inelegant car that has ancient technology and mediocre build quality.

The look definetly doesn't suggest the price one pays. For a base price of £139,825 ($248,425 USD), you can get a Bristol Blenhiem 3 as pictured here, looking like a huge vintage 1970s Ford Capri with an updated rear fascia. This updating of an old body recalls many Russian cars, which aren't as expensive. This may not have been a bad thing if the car looked expensive, but it doesn't. It looks like a bread-and-butter sedan from 30 years ago. Even worse, you can order different packages and get the price up to £152,456 ($270,953 USD).

It's actually confusing to think about how the company still survives. They must solely rely on the few old, rich Brits who remember the old days. To be fair, there is a new Bristol sports car out called the Fighter - and while it looks pretty, it's mechanics (other than the borrowed Viper V10 engine) and build are still pretty sketchy, and it costs even more.

I recently read on www.thetruthaboutcars.com a very rare review on the Blenheim, thanks to a disatified owner. The following is an exert from the review:

"Bristol is one of Britain’s most venerated carmakers. For over thirty-five years, Brits “in the know” have considered the obscure automaker’s products to be the embodiment of English hand built quality and understated exclusivity. Unfortunately, motoring journalists need not apply. In fact, Bristol actively discourages any sort of publicity for its current cars.

Luckily, one brave Blenheim owner decided to lend his car for a review. “What are the two things that can be seen from outer space?” the owner asked rhetorically. “The Great Wall of China and the panel gaps of a Bristol.” True enough, despite the fact that this particular Blenheim had recently enjoyed a body-off restoration-- to eliminate rot. Which was discovered after the car’s paint had cracked (necessitating a total re-spray). Whereupon the owner’s mechanics addressed a veritable laundry list of mechanical ailments: inoperative air conditioning, “inappropriate” shock absorbers, a failed exhaust system, two blown window motors, axle whine, insufficient engine cooling and more.

This tragic tale of mechanical malfeasance was easily eclipsed by the horror lurking inside the Blenheim’s cabin. To call the combination of wood, cheap rocker switches, tiny mirror controls, gigantic air conditioner, fiddly Japanese stereo and seemingly random assortment of switches, buttons and knobs “unattractive” would be like calling a drag racer “quick off the mark”. The Blenheim’s interior is such a hideous concoction of styles and textures the snooty millionaire mentioned above felt compelled to redesign and rewire the entire dash.

Once underway, the much-repaired Blenheim handled better than you’d expect-- for a car whose chassis dates back to 1946. At the time, it must have been a revelation. By today’s standards, Group A rental cars offer better ride and road-holding. As for power, the 5.9-liter V8 felt decidedly reluctant. When I asked if the odd sound under throttle indicated some kind of problem, the owner told me to drop the subject.

The Bristol Blenheim offered insufferable build quality, questionable reliability and appalling aesthetics. Yet it cost twice as much as a top-of-the-line Mercedes, BMW or Porsche. The only possible justification for buying a Blenheim lies in its rarity and its connection with Bristol’s famous heritage. For some wealthy owners, a handful, it is enough."