2010 Porsche 911 Speedster Hauls (Gigantic) Ass

When I first saw this modern incarnation of the 1989 911 Speedster, I thought I was in love. The Fuchs style wheels, the matte black vinyl ahead of the rear wheel wells... Unfortunately, the girl's got a huge ass.

The view above shows just how different the proportions of the current 911 are from the original - the 997's butt in much higher, and capping off the rear seats in the Speedster style fairing only exaggerates it. And makes the Boxter Speedster look that much better.

2010 Paris Motor Show, Day 1: Nissan Townpod

I’m amazed. Day one of the 2010 Paris Motor Show is surprisingly restrained and fugly free. The French have been remarkably toned down this year, with concept cars that pale in comparison to previous years. Although some would claim that the Lamborgini Sesto Elemento Concept should take home the title of “Ugliest Car in Paris, Day 1”, I’m giving this designation to the Nissan Townpod Concept.

Looking like a cross between a Scion, Lightning McQueen, and a refrigerator, the hefty-looking white EV is described by Nissan as the following: “The innovative position of the headlights also allows a coupe-esque bonnet line, not dissimilar to Nissan Z, which feeds in to a visor-like wraparound, blue tinted glass house, reminiscent of Nissan Cube, while the galls to body proportions hark back to the rat-rods of the fifties.” Yeah, I don’t get that either. Bonus point for a the organic fluorescent yellow-green front passenger area, which I imagine feels like driving the car sitting inside an infected sinus cavity.

*PS: I'm not limiting my show coverage to one car per day. I just didn't happen to think there was anything else worth posting. I actually like the controversial Sexto Elemento (although I admit it's trying a bit too hard)...

Lincoln (kill it with a) Machete

"These aren't the droids we're looking for".

Hmmm... I wonder if this is Darth Vader? (Scroll down).

1955 GM Concept Cars

Something was in the water in 1955 at the GM headquarters. It was this year when all of their divisions released concepts that not only looked to be based off the same architecture - they were all monumentally ugly. Sounds remarkably like GM in the 80's and early 90's...

Chevrolet Biscayne

First up we have the Chevrolet Biscayne. From the windshield back it's not too bad - there's a lot of Corvette in there, and although you can't see the rear it seemed to have inspired later Corvettes and the Corvair. That front however looks like an unappealing mix of Austin Healey Sprite and bulldozer. Also it seems to look remarkably like the cars in Fallout 3.

Cadillac La Salle II Hardtop Sedan

Next up we have the Cadillac La Salle II Hardtop Sedan. Note the identical DLO, save the back window. Early experimenting in what would lead to the Cimarron I suppose. Again this car has a grille-less front end, although the headlamps are moved further out and you have the additional chrome Cadillac rocket extensions. Oddly, this car looks even more like a Corvette than the Chevy, with the two tone scalloping and rear light detail recalling the first generation Vette. Compared to the sleek and simple ugly of the Biscayne, the LaSalle comes off as over-accessorized ugly.

It may not be share as many components as the others, but this possibly Corvette based roadster version of the La Salle II also appeared alongside it on show stands. Sharing the front end (but with cutouts under the headlights), it has the appearance of a mutated 1958 Corvette with it's ass chopped off. Although to be fair, it likely inspired the '58 Vette's front end design.

Pontiac Strato Star

Next is the Pontiac Strato Star. A bit more conventionally attractive than the above two, it also doesn't share their roofline (but then it's a 2 door). I'm not entirely sure it shares a platform with the above, but it does have similar proportions and similar odd detailing, like the inset headlights and overall heavy looking appearance. Another odd detail is the gigantic front wheel wells, which flow back to almost reach the doors. In later show circuit appearances these were painted red, making it look like someone took gigantic chunks out of the car's flesh.

Oldsmobile 88 Delta

The last of the bunch is the Olds 88 Delta. You might be thinking "where's Buick"? There was a Buick show car in 1955 - but it was the Wildcat III, an evolution of the previous two concepts and likely unrelated (and not fugly). Speaking of not fugly, I don't really consider this Buick to be fugly. A little ungainly, but it's the best looking of these four. Why include it? The windshield and front wheel wells look to be shared with the Pontiac, so it might be related to the other cars here.

1961 Chrysler Turbofright

Yeah - I'm on a concept car kick again.

This time I'm featuring the 1961 Chrysler TurboFlight concept. Another in a string of collaberations between Chrysler and Ghia, although Virgil Exner is to blame for it's looks. Where his cars in the 40's and 50's were attractive and groundbreaking, he seemed to be losing his mind coming into the 60's. This - his final concept car - is proof if where things were going were his imagination not restrained. Still - even dumbed down for the masses is work still looked odd.

Back to the subject of the post, this car's claim to fame - other than it's looks - was that the entire canopy would lift up and down in sync with the doors opening and closing. It's unknown would neck issues you would suffer if you can to contort yourself under the canopy of a regular basis. But then again this is wacky 1950's - early 1960's concept car stuff. Up to this point all of Ford's concepts looked as if they could fly and claimed to be nuclear powered. All of which I'd feature here, but there's so many (and so bizarre they're almost in a realm above fugliness). In due time I suppose.

Dodge Super Hate Hemi

The Dodge Super 8 Hemi concept was a turning point in Dodge/Chrysler design from it's heyday in the 90's. Everything previous was sleek and well proportioned, everything after looked like there was something slightly off and heavy handed about their execution. I believe this concept's reason for being was to signal the return of the Hemi, as well as desensitize us to the upcoming 300C and Charger. Luckily they didn't turn out quite like this.

Cloned: Pontiac Banshee inspired by Lamborghini?

I can't help but wonder if the people who designed the beautiful 1964 Pontiac Banshee concept found inspiration across the ocean in the form of the 1963 Lamborghini 350GTV. Lamborghini's first car, this styling one off eventually became Lamborghini's first production car, the 1964 350GT (although it's looks changed substantially).

I suppose it could be a coincidental evolution of Pontiac's split grille. But the flowing fenders, round hidden headlamps, central ridge in the hood and even the scripty badging are are all eerily similar.

Back to the Future

Yes, I've brought you these bastardizations before. Multiple times. But they were never of Thunderbirds of this vintage - only 10th generation (1989-1997) cars. Now it appears they broadened their horizons to the 9th generation (1983-1988). Either that or some savvy individual that this was a brilliant idea idea and struck out on his own.

Also not sure of where the photo shot was staged, but it appears to be at a fountain with a drainage problem.

Chevroleep Grand Blazokee

Lets see:

• hideous graphics (bonus points for the pairing the two most unattractive shades of matte paint)
• outdated and gigantic chrome rims
• giant wing
• t-top hack job
• fake hood scoop
• no side mirrors
  
• top AND bottom windshield banners
• is that a Chevy badge in the grille?

2011 T&C needs TLC

Chrysler (or is it Fiat) is now going about sprucing up it's current lineup, which for the most part consists of some slight plastic surgery, new interiors and a heart transplant in the form of it's new Pentastar V6. Not that's I'm bashing that - it's interiors and engines needed sprucing, and it's much cheaper than coming out with all new models. As long as they can revise the exterior enough not to get stuck in that awkward limbo of looking like a new car and looking too much like the old one.

Unfortunetly, the Town & Country is looking more like a case of the latter. Although I like Chrysler's classy new grille design first seen on the 200C concept car, it looks awkwardly out of place on the T&C. It's a tad too sleek for the boxy design - it looks like it's angles don't even match the headlights and cutlines. Hopefully when it's seen in real life - or at different angles - it won't look that bad. But aren't press releases supposed to show the best looking shots? This doesn't bode well.

But the worst is yet to come.

Out back we have a case of changing things just so they look different, but cheaping out by only changing the cheapest parts. So basically they left the sheet metal and focused solely on the bumper and taillights, resulting is these bizarre pinched looking taillights. How did anyone think this looks better than it did before? Sadly, this cheap-ass plastic surgery seems to be all the rage lately.

Let's hope that the rest of Chrysler's lineup fairs much better. To date we've already seen reskins the Patriot and Wrangler (mild but attractive), as well as the Dodge Charger (although not officially). We've seen glimpses of the 300C but nothing conclusive enough to judge that it turned out as well as the Charger (which looks perfect, IMO). The Durango and Grand Cherokee are also lookers, but they didn't have to rely on existing sheetmetal.

Also in the wings is the Chrysler Sebring morphing into the 200C - from teaser shots all looks well, but turning the Sebring into a beaut may be a difficult task. And the revised Dodge Avenger spy shots look like it's anything but. Sadly, in the next few months you may see more on this blog from Chrysler/Dodge...

R-Hate

A couple weeks ago this Audi R8 popped up near Nürburgring, and the internet went atwitter with people hypothesizing that this is a special edition R8 mockup, out in about in a strange camo tape job and relocated exhaust. However, given that the tape job doesn't really hide anything, I'm thinking this is just a case of "money doesn't buy class". Looks to me like the world's most unattractive vinyl job, and a case of buying a less restrictive exhaust setup without paying for fixing the bodywork to remove the old exhaust ports. Here's to hoping Audi will prove me wrong.

Buick Signia Concept

This monstrosity debuted at the 1998 Detroit Motor Show, possibly to prepare the public for the Pontiac Aztec show car that would appear in 1999 and eventually terrorize on public streets.

Looking a bit like an obese station wagon, the Buick Signia (why they cut off the "in" I'm not sure) is a bulky lump of unattractive organic curves, kind of like the older, shorter, fatter, uglier sister to the Buick Enclave. A better name would have been the Buick Rhino.

The car looks it's worst at the front end, where the lines of the car congregate to a strangely protruding nose, with the wide grille and tiny headlights resembling the vacant, gaping stare of a whale shark.

The Acura Grille / Shield / Beak / Eyesore

Acura's chrome beak - like Ford's razor grille - is a bone of contention for me. It's huge and in your face, yet unattractive and looks a bit like a Parrotfish snout. The Acura Advanced Sedan has the best visage to show this fishy coincidence.

For those who are wondering what the hell I'm talking about, Parrotfish are a species of fish who have fine teeth lining an external jaw bone, giving the appearance of a beak - hence the name.

Acura Advanced Sedan Concept

The Acura Advanced Sedan Concept is wrong on many levels. For one, the name is ironic (and lame - couldn't they have thought of something more imaginative?). Why? Well, from the front wheels back this "Advanced Sedan" looks almost exactly like the Lincoln Sentinel concept which debuted in 1996. A 10 year old design is hardly advanced.


And secondly, it introduced the world to Acura's hideous new face, which is especially hideous on this first iteration. I can not imagine what possessed them to continue on with this theme after seeing the result that is this car.


To clarify, I find the Lincoln to be menacing and mean. Something that you would see prowling the streets of Gotham City. Not fugly.

Fiat Ecobasic

Concept cars seem to offer an endless supply of fugly - going back through the years there's almost too many to choose from. I present to you the Fiat Ecobasic from 2004, an unfortunate concept that seems to draw some of it's looks from the Multipla. But where the Multipla had various beedy headlights poking out all over the front end, the Ecobasic has a gigantic light bar inspired by 1980's era Mercurys.

Changan e301

It's refreshingly unique for a Chinese brand I suppose. Still, this squinty-eyed car combines all the bad parts of the Sbarro X5 and Spada Codatronca to create an unattractive concept that looks like it could be terrestrial conveyance for Storm Troopers, if the AT-ATs and speeder bikes proved ineffective.

Attack of the Clones: Durango Fandango

I should start off by clarifying that my "Attack of the Clones" posts (admittedly a dated title, but I don't know if I should stop after using it for so long) aren't necessarily saying that the cars featured within are ugly. I realize this may be a bit confusing. I mean - the blog is about ugly cars. However it's mainly a blog where I vent on automotive style, so I think posting cars that tread previously travelled roads when it comes to style are ok to be featured. But I wanted to sure to clarify this, as I don't think the Dodge Durango is an ugly truck.

When Dodge teased shots of the new Durango (although I have to say I prefer the Magnum name, but I understand it's good to maintain consistancy), I thought the revised face was refreshingly attractive, yet masculine and bold. Plus I love the new divided cross hair grille (the new Dodge logo, not so much). I had high hopes from the rest of the truck, mainly because Chrysler corporation cars and trucks have been so disappointing for the past few years, especially since they were a high water mark for design in the 90's.

However, new that the shots of the entire truck have been released, I have to admit I'm a little let down. Not that it's ugly, but from the headlights back the flowing curves look remarkably like those on the Buick Enclave (of the two, I prefer the Durango however). I guess I was expecting something a little more butch, given the angry front end treatment. Although I suppose it's platform-mate the Grand Cherokee got the masculine square shouldered lines, so the Durango had to be unique to that end.

Which is strange considering the taillight treatment. Looking at the rear of both trucks, it's actually a bit hard to tell them apart. I suppose the reverse lamps/turn signal locations are flipped, but the shape of the trapezoid taillights are the same - and both have a chrome strip connecting them. I little variety wouldn't hurt, especially since the trucks share a majority of parts.

Sbarro Mercedes-Benz Gullwing Biturbo

Besides destroying the good looks of the W126 coupes, no Mercedes should ever slightly resemble 1980's Toyota Celicas, or have reworked bodywork thats cast reflections like funhouse mirrors. Or look like they've been sitting in an abattoir for a week. Seriously - if Sbarro intended this gullwing Mercedes coupe to be the spawn of the 300SL, it looks like it just tore it's way out of the womb, Alien style.

ReDONKulous

I professed my hatred of Donks back in 2005 before I even knew the correct terminology. However, they seem to upping the ante in absurdity lately. First I posted the Saftbaren Lexus, although I'm not sure if this is a Donk or is just a Donk looking creation (I'm not sure if the Donk lifestyle is thriving in Europe and/or Japan).

However, the Spongebob Squarepants Donk below appeared at last years SEMA show. And I found this facebook Donk on the internet. It seems Donk cars are becoming automotive shrines to popular culture. With unnecessarily big wheels.

Sbarro Espace Spider

Just digging up a few older files on my computer, saved during the period where I wasn't blogging. Minivans are not the first thing to come to mind when thinking of sporty vehicular transportion. With good reason. While they can be cool, most often they end up looking like failed science experiments. The Sbarro Renault Espace is an example of this.

And for the record - chopping off the top and windsheild of a vehicle does not instantly make it sporty or attractive.

Buick Century Tuner Edition

Long before Buick tried to reimagine the Regal as a sports sedan with it's thinly veiled Opel Insignia, Buick tried their hand up at releasing a sporty Century.

Enzo Fail

Again - not exactly fugly. Posting it mainly because it's basically the world's most expensive kit car. Basically someone took a perfectly good Enzo and tried to make it look like an FXX. Which is sad, as most Ferrari fans will see through it - and the value of one of the most expensive Ferraris you can buy was most likely brought down by doing so.

Ferrari F430 Scuderia

So you may be wondering why I'm postings the F430 Scuderia. I don't think the car is fugly, just these two specifically. Why? Although it may be hard to tell in the muted dones above, the cars are painted a pale yellow with maroon accents. Quite tasteful if you ask me. And by tasteful I mean I can taste bile in my mouth because I just threw up a little.

The story is that the matching coupe and Spider were made special order for a wealthy customer, and that these photos were taken at a dealership displaying them until the owner took delivery. To make things worse, they're apparently the last two Scuderias ever made (hence the dash plaque below). Speaking of the interior, I think it's a bit more worse off than the exterior.