Cadillac Seville Opera Coupe

I've posted the Seville Opera Coupe before, but one just came up for sale on eBay.  It's in beautiful condition, yet still quite ugly.  The perfect car to overcompensate for your manhood or lack thereof.

Ugly Mother-Tucker

The horrifying beast you see here is one man’s attempt at recreating a Tucker Torpedo from a boat-tail Riviera. It’s gained a bit of notoriety on the internet as the late owner’s nephew is trying to unload it on some poor sap via eBay. As of this writing, the listing is closed with the current bid being $16,350, which is probably about $16,000 to much.

Features include: front fenders that turn with the front wheels (a novel feature allowing you to drive in more than straight lines), three headlights, swiveling front seats for ease of exit, “vinyl leather” upholstery, and motorized roof panels that raise for ease of exit (in case you’re built like Robert Wadlow).

Driving Dead

Ah Britian. Land of crumpets, bonnets, al-loo-min-i-um, and defunct car brands. Lea-Francis is one of those brands, and like many of them it started at the turn of the 20th century, only to end midway through. That wasn’t the last the world saw of the brand though, as returned from the grave multiple times in a series of disastrous attempts to cling to the past.

Founded in 1895, they started producing cars in 1903 under license from Singer. In 1919, they started building cars of their own design, but still using mechanical pieces bought from other brands. By the 40s and 50s, they were building sporting cars that looked like a mix of equal parts Allard and MG T-Type Midget. Sales however gradually slowed. The brand needed a fresh reboot to stay afloat.

The reboot came in the form of the 1960 Lea-Francis Lynx. 3 prototypes were made, featuring some rather unique bodywork. Up front a huge, low set round grille dominated the front end. It’s bulbous sides tapered down at the rear, topped with bulky tail fins. If that wasn’t bad enough, the example they brought to the British Motor Show was this hideous dull-pink colour, brightened with gold trim. The public responded by buying absolutely none, and the company shut it's doors for good not long after.



Cue zombie Lea-Francis. Barrie Price – a fan who helped provide service and parts for remaining cars – bought the name and revived the brand by producing the strange looking, coffin shaped “Ace of Spades” in the early 90’s (that bizarre name was taken from the bizarrely named Lea-Francis model of the 1930s). The square-edged neo-classics were powered by Jaguar engines. Only a handful were built.



Yet, like a zombie taking a shotgun to the chest, the brand took the hit in stride and returned again to terrorize the automotive world. Resurrected in 1998 by James Randle in the height of the retro-revival brought on by the New Beetle and Jaguar S-Type, the new car was called the 30/230 and resembled a Z3 with S-Type bits grafted on. One prototype was built before the project was abandoned yet again. Only time will tell if James Randle delivered the head shot Lea-Francis needed to finally rest in peace.

Lincoln Mark VILE

Yes, this is a Mirage – but sadly not an actual mirage. A company by the name of Phaeton thought it was a good idea to make a coupe out of a Town Car by cutting out the rear seat section, thus creating the Mirage.  Strangely, the much better looking Mark VI was avalable at Lincoln dealerships at the time.

More Zombie Packards

It appears that these neoclassic Packards just won't die, regardless of how hideous they are.  I've found yet another Bayliff Packard, and it looks substantially different from the last Crown Vic one I posted.  Also lucky enough this time around to have multiple views, including the interior which features a gigantic steering wheel emblem that I presume is the size it is to make up for the lack of other interior upgrades.

 And if that wasn't bad enough, it seems the luxury coupe is susceptible to the Packard virus, as witnessed by the unfortunate Mercury Cougar below.

Pulled to the Limits of Taste

The Mercedes-Benz 600 Pullman is an iconic car - one of the most expensive and lavish cars of it's time. It's a shame to see even one of the 2,677 made between 1964 and 1981 end up as the neoclassic disaster pictured below.

This particular car was made by the firm "B+B Auto Exclusive" in 1980 for King Khalid of Saudi Arabia.  And if you think it couldn't get any uglier, the king originally requested a paint job consisting of a red base covered with white dots. The neoclassic design partially hid the large footboards, made so that security guards could hang off the side of the car.

1979 Kanzler

I can’t find much info on this car, other than the fact that it’s an Opel GT stretched to the limits of sanity. It’s powered by a 351 Ford V8 (not sure if it could even sustain forward motion with the original powerplant as it now weighs over 4400 pounds), and somewhat ironically Liberace owned one of this vaguely phallic looking cars. The grille breaks ground in the neoclassic world, in that it appears it could have been had without one.

Leata Cabalero

Leata started off innocently enough, producing microcars in the 1975 with an innocent 1940’s era look to them, much less offensive to look at then the sudden influx of microcars that appeared 20-25 years prior. Sadly things went awry, and a total of 22 cars were produced in what ended up being it’s only model year. The main issue was mostly likely price – this hand built car was tiny and pricy. At $3,295, it cost $500 more than a Pinto, a car that dwarfed it and to most offered a lot more for less money.

Then things got strange. Not willing to give up, the founder restarted production with the car above. It was still small, but instead of being hand built and inoffensive, it became an offensive rebody of a car that isn’t necessarily a shining beacon of quality – the Chevrolet Chevette.

Taking the standard styling cues of neoclassic cars that were all the rage in the 1970s (Rolls inspired grille and front end treatment, fenders flares, vinyl roofs), it had the appearance of a squashed Monte Carlo or Grand Prix. It could even be had with the world’s most awkward looking opera windows. Also available was a slightly better looking pickup, also based on the Chevette (basically looking like the Cabalero coupe with a C/K tail grafted on). Even with this cheaper construction method, the company still lost money on every car it sold.

The Titan

Thanks to the Nissan Titan, I can't find much info on this neoclassic "beaut". Looks like it might be made out of a FoMoCo product - possibly a mid to late 70's Lincoln Mark or a Thunderbird.

*EDIT - it's made out of a Ford Thunderbird, and was designed by George Barris.

Crown Schtick

I've brought you these awkward contraptions before, but I've just discovered this newer version made in 1992, as well as the name of the company who makes them - Bayliff Packard. A coachbuilding company formed by Budd Baylifee, he started making mock Packards in the 70's in the vein of the Stutz revival.

Where in the 70's and 80's he relied on Cadillacs and Buick Rivieras, it seems he now makes do with Crown Victorias, likely because they're the remaining full size RWD car for sale in North America, not including the Lincoln Town Car, in recent years.

Abhorred Cord

An 84 Oldsmobile Toronado made into a Cord knockoff. The Cord Model 810 was one of the most beautiful and advanced cars of it's time. This is not. Although I suppose they both share front wheel drive architecture. This one seems to be more ill-conceived than most neoclassic cars, which is really saying something...

Daihatsu Ugli

The Daihatsu Opti Classic is one numerous neoclassic Japanese small cars produced by the manufacturers themselves. Not content to allow customers to go to companies like Mitsuoka for their taste in the bizarre. The Mazda 3 has nothing on these tooth grins. The first generation Opti Classic is pictured above, the second below.

Continental Kit

You can only see a portion of the front, but this appears to be one of those Japanese Neoclassic cars. Possibly of the home-made variety. Gets extra fug points for the fender fenders and cow hide interior.

Fug and Let Die

Some screen shots of the Corvorado featured in the James Bond flick, "Live and Let Die". The last two words of the title are most appropriate in this case.

The Corvorado has been featured here in the past. Basically a period Corvette styled to look like a period Eldorado, for whatever reason.

Mercury Poisoning

The Mercury Monarch - already a ritzy Ford Granada - does not fare well in Rolls Royce hybridization.

And one last Corvette Wagon...

And just in case you thought those last couple Corvettes don't belong here, here's one Corvette Wagon (or Shooting Brake I suppose) that does belong here.

Compensating?

This is quite possibly the most phallic car I've ever seen.

Old School Crackard

Apparently, no one realized this was a bad idea 30 years ago.

This... Is... SPARTA!

Well, the Spartan. Another neoclassic from the 70's, which strangely used a 280Z as it's base. I suppose it's kinda fitting, as the 280Z had kinda morphed into a luxobarge at that point. Why not make it more luxurious and more barge-y.