Ford X2000

I kinda feel bad posting this, as it's an impressive achievement for one man to create.  However, that doesn't stop it from being ugly.

Back in 1958, Ford teased the public with a series of wildy futuristic cars with wildy futuristic powertrains. Problem was, the majority were just small models.  I'm not sure if it was for cost reasons, or because the logistics and risks of building a nuclear powered car were too overwhelming.  Regardless, it's probably good thing the roads were never populated by bad drivers strapped to atom bombs.

The original model from 1958.

One of these cars, called the X2000, inspired a British gentleman named Andy Saunders to build a full size version out of a 1962 Mercury.  What you see here is the result.  While quite close, things get a bit wonky when forced to adhere to the constrains of your typical front-engine production car.

Andy Saunder's full-size replica.

Topless Metro Escort

Unfortunately this post is not about a naked, city dwelling prostitute.  If you’re craving some originality for your MG MGB, look no further than Brooklands Car Components of Kitchener, Ontario.  Who wouldn’t want their classic British sports car to look like to look like an Escort from the rear and a Geo Metro from the front?

More Zombie Packards

It appears that these neoclassic Packards just won't die, regardless of how hideous they are.  I've found yet another Bayliff Packard, and it looks substantially different from the last Crown Vic one I posted.  Also lucky enough this time around to have multiple views, including the interior which features a gigantic steering wheel emblem that I presume is the size it is to make up for the lack of other interior upgrades.

 And if that wasn't bad enough, it seems the luxury coupe is susceptible to the Packard virus, as witnessed by the unfortunate Mercury Cougar below.

Spawn of Spohn

Carosseriebau Hermann Spohn was a German coachbuilder, founded in 1920. Due to it’s formation coinciding with the launch Maybach brand, and it’s close proximity to it’s manufacturing plant, Spohn soon became Maybach's favored coachbuilder. In it’s early days, these cars were indeed beautiful, sporting low rooflines with typically flowing fenders of the periods most attractive cars.

Above: 1952 Spohn Palos, based on a 1940 Ford. This picture was taken during restoration, but returning it to it's original glory won't fix it's awkward lines. Below: A Lincoln rebodied by Spohn.

But as the 50’s drew near, Spohn began to favour aerodynamics and excessive ornamentation, resulting in some very strange looking cars. Trademarks include heavyhanded styling: thick front fenders with low set headlights on either side of a low and steepy sloped front end (usually featuring a garish almost horizontal grille), and gigantic but heavy looking fins out back (usually trailing way behind the rear wheels on an lengthened rear end). Although these were early attempts at aerodynamic aids, they definitely didn’t look sleek. One of the worst offenders was the BMW powered Veritas roadster – an attractive car without the Spohn costume. Another you may recall from this blog previously are some of the gaudy and unfortunately named Gaylord cars. Spohn closed down in 1957.

 The Spohn BMW Veritas roadster.  Also in a state of restoration, but also also extremely fugly regardless of whether it was in pristine condition.

This period photo of the Spohn BMW Veritas roadster when new really shows it's awkward front grille.

The Titan

Thanks to the Nissan Titan, I can't find much info on this neoclassic "beaut". Looks like it might be made out of a FoMoCo product - possibly a mid to late 70's Lincoln Mark or a Thunderbird.

*EDIT - it's made out of a Ford Thunderbird, and was designed by George Barris.

Crown Schtick

I've brought you these awkward contraptions before, but I've just discovered this newer version made in 1992, as well as the name of the company who makes them - Bayliff Packard. A coachbuilding company formed by Budd Baylifee, he started making mock Packards in the 70's in the vein of the Stutz revival.

Where in the 70's and 80's he relied on Cadillacs and Buick Rivieras, it seems he now makes do with Crown Victorias, likely because they're the remaining full size RWD car for sale in North America, not including the Lincoln Town Car, in recent years.

Ford Failane

How to destroy a Ford classic: graft on the nose of one of the most unloved Fords of the last 20 years.

Retro Cloning: FNM Onca

FNM was a Brazilian car manufacturer that built variations of Alfa Romeo products. The Onca was coupe designed inhouse and powered by an Alfa Romeo 4 cylinder, and look remarkably like a period Mustang notchback with an Alfa nose grafted one. Pretty, but not very original.

BBQed Pony

These airbrushed flames are so convincing they actually melted the front end.

Scoopy Don't

This beaut is down the road from my work. I pass it every day, but was finally able to grab a pic. I believe this is the mother of all hood scoops. It's possible that if you go above 120km/h the hood flies off. Also not very visible is the front bumper, but it fits horribly. Not sure what car it's off of, but it looks like an SVT Ford. Probably a Crown Vic LX Sport, but the grille indent seems too small.

Toyota MR-2 Mustake

Usually when you’re provided a cheap mid-engine car and you have delusions of grandeur, you turn it into same slightly odd-looking Ferrari or Lamborghini. So I’m sure what to call the disorder that would cause you to turn your Toyota MR-2 into an imitation Mustang – a car that isn’t exactly the hardest to come by. Reverse Redneckism?

OK – these are trying to look like Shelby Mustangs, which are rarer and more expensive that your run-of-the-mill Mustang. But wouldn’t it be easier to by an ACTUAL Mustang and make it look like a Shelby? You can probably buy one for the same price as an MR2, and it wouldn’t look like an abomination.

SixTen Sabre

Have a Mustang convertible and think it's not unique enough? Like British cars but have very little taste? The SixTen Sabre is the kit car for you! Using a Mustang base, they add a swoopy (and flimsy) body kit with Mini headlights that lend a Morgan air (not exactly the most attractive car in itself) and rotated Volvo taillights that look all kinds of wrong.

2013 Ford Taurus

Ford is facelifting the Taurus for 2013, and while not exactly fugly I definately don't think it's an improvement.

2010 Taurus

2013 Taurus

While the Taurus reboot in 2010 was sleek and attractive, the 2013 refresh tries to bring in a hint of Mustang with it's new headlights. However these are complimented by a larger overwrought grille and fascia. The grille between the headlights is marred by strips of chrome that look like they were added as an afterthought. Down below is more chrome lipping the central portion of the grillework, splitting it into three segments with separate design themes. I think overall a bit too much is going on. I've attached my take on a slight revision to clean up the front end a bit.

Original

Take #1 - No Chrome

Take #2 - Central Strip

2013 also brings a facelift and separate facial identity for the SHO. The grille between it's headlights is an expanse of black plastic mesh, whose simpler look looks better. However from certain angles this huge field of plastic looks a bit cheap.

What's Next - Elbow Macaroni and Glitter?

The pictures shown here are of select samples of the custom graphics available for the 2012 Ford Focus. Essentially giant from-the-factory stickers for your car, they're akin the vinyl pinstriping popular in the 80's (but less tasteful and on a much larger scale). It doesn't bode well when the photos released by Ford are nausea inducing. For example, the "retro" rounded square pattern above, in lime green against a teal car. Fads come and go (speaking of teal paint - hello 1994), so hopefully these sticker packages are easily removable for the sake of resale value. Scroll down for more fugly Focuses.

Wagon Queen Family Truckster

I suppose I should also honour the actual Wagon Queen Family Truckster, even if it is a commentary on the absurdity of the American wagons of the late 70's.

Wagon King Executive Cruiser

The Wagon Queen Family Truckster was also available in this upscale version.