Lay off the Cappuccinos....

What car is the best car to turn into a Nissan GT-R clone? Why, a convertible kei car of course! A Suzuki Cappuccino gave up it's life for this unfortunate science experiment.

Sun Motor Group NEV

This ungodly creation comes once again from China, land of copyright infringement. It's what appears to be a Smart-clone, except it's roof has been morphed to be able to fit a solar panel. Of course, they could have designed the car to suit the solar panel, but I guess that would be too hard. Apparently, their design skills are as good as their Photoshop skills (if the second picture is true to scale, this thing's bigger than a semi). Click for video!

Weber Faster One

No, I did not just make that name up. This car is apparently the result of a Bugatti Veyron / Lincoln Zephyr cross breeding program gone awry. This 900-horsepower/774 lb-ft twin-supercharged V8 powered car supposedly goes from 0-60mph in 2.7 seconds. Lucky for people who buy it, it'll be going too fast for people to get a good glimpse at it.

Mitsuoka Ray

Ok - last one. This one is also no doubt based on some Nissan, with looks derived from the Riley Elf/Wolsely Hornet. But I won't tell you about it - I'll let Mitsuoka tell you in their own words:

"Good old. Bosom landscape of the mind. "Retro" attracted by the spirit of the past era of nostalgia alone is not quite sure. We are really attracted to the "retro" is a more fundamental, something more universal. Graceful as a flower, as the concept beyond the age to attract and keep people. The car Oka Akira "麗しき" to learn, "RAY / Ray" and the flowering you named his car. To extend clued-up jealousy over his style, and leave the name of a beautiful car can run."

Mitsuoka Ryoga

Bear with me - I'm almost through the Mitsuoka range, past and present. Behold the Ryoga, a kind of Bentley/Jaguar/90's Nissan bastard child. Also behold this Engrish description:

"Each time a new one is over. Over yonder. I think that single-minded move. One of fulfillment get to the summit, however, gone tomorrow. Go even higher. So his way over for the continued though. "Excel". Devote yourself to the spirit of my car. We would not like to run life is the same person. Who's not. Ask for my own happiness. It is caught era without the Joneses without it. Own aesthetic dictates just wrestle, run. "Excel". Devote yourself to the aspirations of my car. Again, age, the boy remain. Coming out journey. Relaxed mind. Fresh air to the brain and sink into come. Beyond the day-to-day is a much more relaxed. The boy's heart is as full of adventure. "Excel". Devote yourself to the freedom of my car. Challenge. The dream destination. And the mountains, valleys. Road is not flat. But his it should challenge. As long as my aim, without having to succumb to the difficulties face forward. Now the dream is still on the way. You stare on making the utmost efforts. "Excel". Devote yourself to my life to the car."

Mitsuoka Nouera 6-02

Oddly, Mitsuoka also sells ANOTHER Corolla based retro-car. This one comes across as being more mainstream, in that it isn't quite as classical and they offer a station wagon. However, the front end on this guy actually looks worse, almost a taller version of the mug on it's Orochi brother. Out back, things look much the same as the Galue 2-04.

Mitsuoka Galue 2-04

Thought I would post this one seperately from the other Galue, as it looks different and is based off a Corolla. Intended for people who want a really fugly car in a smaller package, the Galue 2-04's looks skew more towards Bentley than Rolls. Although that kind of like comparing apples to dog feces shaped like an apple.

Mitsuoka Galue

The Mitsuoka Galue has a long and storied history of fugliness. I'll start off with what you can go out and purchase right now, should you suffer from a temporary lapse in judgement.

The Galue range currently consists of 4 cars; the Galue-III (based off the Nissan Fuga or Infitini M), the Galue S50 Limo (same), the Galue Convertible (based off the Mustang), and the Galue 2-04 (based off the Corolla). I'm only going to cover the first two in this post.

In the conversion from Fuga to Galue, a Roll-ish front end is plopped on with about 5 feet of front overhang. At the rear, Cadillac tailights are grafted on as the body narrows to a pinches rear end.



The S50 limo follows the same conversion process, yet the stretch adds a strange central window that makes the limo actually look far worse than the sedan.



For the convertible, basically apply the same styling principles to a Mustang. Someone should have turned this Mustang into glue, not a Galue.



For your viewing displeasure, I've also included a pic of the Galue-II (based off a Nissan Cedric, yet with a similar front end look) and Galue-I.




I'm not sure why, but the British website for Mitsuoka only lists info on the first generation Galue. So for you Engrish reader pleasure, I present to you the overview of the Galue-I:

"In 1996, Butte, following Oka Akira KURASHIKKUTEISUTO swarming four-door sedan that gave birth to the self-taught, GALUE-I. GALUE-I engine will be mounted, 130-horsepower six straight OHC L 2. Mission 4 and 5 AT MT can choose from two types. It features appearances by the dress-up, round eyes and rounded fender headlights, large-plated grill, over plating with a rider attached to the front bumper and around the British-car atmosphere. And the vertical rear combination lamp design, but with a rider over bumper plating and will be seated."

Nissan Mixim Concept

Sorry Nissan for posting all the concept car, but I'll stop posting them if you make some attractive ones. Deal? Apparently this is a car for gamers. And that gamers don't need to check their blind spots, or see out the side windows.

Nissan Jikoo Concept

This frightening little car is supposed to be the reinvention of a 1935 Datsun Roadster. I think I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Sidenotes: Where is the engine? Why is the trunk up front breifcase sized? Is that a rumble seat out back? If it is a rumble seat, it doesn't look very safe with your legs dangling out the back...

Lincoln Navigator

With the latest Escalade, Cadillac upped the bling quotient to the delight of rappers everywhere. Lincoln tried to do the same, but failed. The end result is a look that says "vintage air conditioning unit" rather than "luxury automobile". But I suppose it would look better than the current wing grille being slapped on all the Lincolns these days.

GMC Terrain

I don't really understand the GMC brand. GM has said they're saying no to brand engineering with all their products in the future, but this is the whole reason the GMC brand exists. They have no unique products - just warmed over GM trucks and SUVs. When GM killed Pontiac I was even more confused - here was a brand with unique and excellent products (the G8) with potential for growth as a performance brand, and they kill it in favour of some blinged up Chev trucks.

The Terrain is not only unnecessary, it's fugly. In addition, it's sister truck the Chevy Equinox is actually quite good looking. Compared to the Equinox, the Terrain is overstyled and exaggerated. It looks too tall. The grille is too big. The comically oversized fender extensions and square wheel arches make the wheels look tiny and the wheel gap huge.

If there's a good side to all of this, at least we won't see it rehashed as a Saturn and/or a Pontiac.

Nissan Cube is Fug³

So you can lose all respect for this blog is you want, but I actually kinda liked the first Cube. It was unique, but restrained at the same time. Then Nissan decided to pull an Emeril and kick it up a notch in the weirdness department.

First up, let's get that mug out of the way. Nissan actually said it's design was inspired by, and I quote, a "bulldog in sunglasses". Really? How do they even know what that looks like? Do people with bulldogs make them wear sunglasses a lot? I have to find these people and report them to the SPCA. Also, the windows have all evolved into a weird round porthole shape, which I can't imagine aids visibility.

The asymmetrical rear window is still here, although now the taillights are mounted low across the rear end, where I'm sure they're almost useless when traffic gets tight. Inside, things get worse. Weird for the sake of weird dominates, like the rippled roof fabric.

But the pièce de résistance is definitely the optional shug carpet swatch affixed to the dashboard. What is it for? No one knows... I can't see it being all that useful for holding things still while the car's in motion. I can't really find an info on what it is exactly. Nissan's website talks about it frequently, but they call it a "Shag Dash Topper" and don't mention anything about what it does other than sit there and look stupid.

But perhaps you're sitting there and thinking to yourself, "Well, that's all well and good. But I want something really ugly. And I mean really, REALLY ugly. With lots of chrome". Well, you're in luck! Nissan also offers the Krom edition, spelled improperly because that's cool and people can't spell now anyway thanks to texting. wtf omg rofl.

Aston Martin Lagonda

The Aston Martin Lagonda concept isn't necessarily fugly. Moreso fugly by comparison. For a company that makes so of the most beautiful cars in the world, people weren't expecting it's Lagonda revival to turn out to be a chunky SUV with a budonkadonk. And why do the seats have beards?

Attack of the Clones: Volkzuki Kizetta

Shortly after the Kizashi debuted looking very Jetta-ish, VW bought 20% of Suzuki. Hmmm....

Shel Shocked

I'm enjoying the recent Shelby revival, but poor Carroll should stay out of the paint booth - I think the fumes get to him. This GT500 toured auto shows last year when the Mustang got it's facelift - Carroll choose these colours personally. I think someone should check to see if he's colour blind. If you stare at the red stripes for too long, you'll start to hallucinate.

Again with the razors...

Can you tell which is the Ford and which is the razor? They're getting harder now...

Nissan Bevel vs. Electric Razor

Can you tell which of these photos is the Nissan Bevel concept and which is an electric razor?

Corvette? 57 Chevy? 59 Chevy? Who the fug knows...

Behold the n2a Motors 789. More proof that people should just plain stop making Corvettes into retro cars. It's called the 789 as the front is that of a severely squared '57 Chev, the door detail is from a '58 Chev, and the tail is off a '59.