1979 Kanzler

I can’t find much info on this car, other than the fact that it’s an Opel GT stretched to the limits of sanity. It’s powered by a 351 Ford V8 (not sure if it could even sustain forward motion with the original powerplant as it now weighs over 4400 pounds), and somewhat ironically Liberace owned one of this vaguely phallic looking cars. The grille breaks ground in the neoclassic world, in that it appears it could have been had without one.

Leata Cabalero

Leata started off innocently enough, producing microcars in the 1975 with an innocent 1940’s era look to them, much less offensive to look at then the sudden influx of microcars that appeared 20-25 years prior. Sadly things went awry, and a total of 22 cars were produced in what ended up being it’s only model year. The main issue was mostly likely price – this hand built car was tiny and pricy. At $3,295, it cost $500 more than a Pinto, a car that dwarfed it and to most offered a lot more for less money.

Then things got strange. Not willing to give up, the founder restarted production with the car above. It was still small, but instead of being hand built and inoffensive, it became an offensive rebody of a car that isn’t necessarily a shining beacon of quality – the Chevrolet Chevette.

Taking the standard styling cues of neoclassic cars that were all the rage in the 1970s (Rolls inspired grille and front end treatment, fenders flares, vinyl roofs), it had the appearance of a squashed Monte Carlo or Grand Prix. It could even be had with the world’s most awkward looking opera windows. Also available was a slightly better looking pickup, also based on the Chevette (basically looking like the Cabalero coupe with a C/K tail grafted on). Even with this cheaper construction method, the company still lost money on every car it sold.

Fisker Karma

I don't have anything against the Fisker Karma.  Ignoring the fact that it gets mediocre mileage for an "electric" car, and that it weighs almost as much as an Escalade. It's a beautiful sedan.  However, it felt a bit familiar when I first saw it.  Only when leafing through an old magazine did I realize why - it shares some lines with the 1991 Chrysler 300 Concept car, that was effectively a Chrysler branded 4 door Dodge Viper.

You'll note in the above paragraph I stated that it's a beautiful sedan.   There's a reason I clarified.  The Fisker Karma Surf concept that was unveiled at the 2011 Frankfurt Auto Show wasn't exactly a home run.  The sleek lines of the sedan don't exactly translate to wagon form all that well.  The tapered cabin ends in a very narrow backlight that ends up looking squished, as do the windows aft of the rear doors.  This is all capped off with the world's most unnecessarily over-styled hatchback.  I cleaned it up a bit in Photoshop below - it's surprising how much better it looks.

Civic Fugliness Crosses the Ocean

I was a huge fan of the last generation European Civic. It was odd, but in a funky spaceship kind of way. Like it was sent from the future. The 2012 European Honda Civic takes a page from the 2012 North American Honda Civic, in that it's an evolution of the last generation more than a complete reboot. Although in my eyes, it's a bit of a de-evolution.

Where the previous generation was a sleek little space pod, the new one looks like it melted a bit on re-entry. The chiseled lines are now smoother and more organic, but unfortunately now it looks more like a crouching frog than something from outer space.  The taillights have also move vertically, which makes it look a bit tall and narrow when viewed from the rear.  It's almost as if Honda took the worst part of the CRZ and the Hyundai Veloster and called it a day...

Das Blotto

What is it with people thinking their VWs look even remotely like BMWs?  PS: Nice hubcaps.

How not to modify your new Camaro...

Thought I would combine these two Camaro atrocities in one post.  Above is what happens when you take a car that's already retro too far into the past.  It ends up kind of looking like Burt Reynolds - the face looks kinda the same as it did 45 years ago, but every looks a sleek and just plain not right.

Below is evidence that the "Donk" look is alive and well, now brutalizing new cars and not just 25 year old Chevrolet Impalas and Buick Regals.  It still baffles me how people think this looks good.  Most likely cramming as many inches as they can into the wheel wells to make up for the inches that are lacking in certain parts of the anatomy.

Tiburong

An eye-searingly fluorescent Hyundai Tiburon that thinks it's a Ford Escort rally car.

Not Holden Back

My only guess is that this poor Holden Ute is possibly a prop from a modern-era Mad Max film.  Guessing by the rims and the abundant chrome, it was possibly driven by a pimp.

Hot Rod Tracker

What do you get when you combine a Geo Tracker with a hot rod?  Something you shouldn't have combined.

Aston Martin V12 Zagato

I don't think the Aston Martin V12 Zagato is fugly, or even ugly.  But it does look a bit chubby for an Aston - less sleek and more bulbous.  I suppose it's kind of attractive the way a plus size model is, when compared to non-plus size models.

But the most unsettling thing about the design is how similar it looks to a Nissan GTR in the side view.  Sure, the rearmost angle of the side windows goes the opposite direction, but the air intake and blacked out "helmet visor" appearance of the A-pillar bear more than a passing resemblance.