Volkslaggin'

Volkswagen has a new strategy for North America, a strategy it hopes will generate eine Eimer of new sales. Previously known for quality German automobiles for the masses (yet at a slightly higher cost than the typical American and Japanese car), they’ve now taken a very “American” supersized McDonald value meal approach – offering more car for less money (and less substance).

At the same time, they seem to have adopted a Japanese sense of automotive styling, as their new exteriors have a Camry-like absence of style.


The first result of this was the new for 2011 Volkswagen Jetta. While not extensively larger than the last model, the Americanized version was treated to a bargain basement price with matching bargain basement interior trim. While the European version got the high-lux interior we’re accustomed to, American versions are trimmed in hard plastics not befitting of a Chevy Cobalt. Perhaps most embarrassingly, the VW Golf has a much higher level of quality inside, given that it was released prior to VW’s new strategy.


Its new exterior curves are inoffensive, but also unremarkable. It's far from fugly, but from a distance it blends into it’s surroundings as if it has active camouflage. It’s only saving grace are some interesting details when seen up close, like the beautiful Audi-like detailing of a the tail lights. Is the new look worse than the chrome plastered faux Audi (faudi?) mug of the previous generation? In my opinion it fares better, but it’s definitely not a knockout.

If there’s a silver lining to this dark cloud, it’s that the Volkwagen’s driving dynamics remain German. The cars suspenders are still able to pull off some fancy moves, but unfortunately it may take more effort to achieve them now that the 2.slow returns as the base engine in the Jetta lineup.


Ironically, this new way of thinking comes just as everyone else has kicked it up a notch. Ford and Chevy both raise the bar with fancy-pants interiors, aggressive exteriors, and higher price tags. The new Hyundai Elantra even manages to eclipse them in many ways with it’s luxurious interior duds and swoopy curves, while managing a price LOWER than last year’s model. It seems everyone else is realizing that smaller cars are the future and that people just might be willing to spend a bit more on them for something they might drive every day...

Denim Destruction

Lapo Elkann is the grandson of the late Fiat chairman Gianni Agnelli. So it’s safe to say he has money, and possible connections to Ferrari. And little taste. Channeling AMC, Ferrari created this demin lined Ferrari 599 for him, with matching two-tone matte blue paint. I'm usually a fan of matte paint, but this colour makes it look as if it's made of Play Doh. And using Denim for anything other than clothes was a bad idea 40 years ago.

Omega Romeo

Smart ForTwo + Alfa Romeo x (Bad Taste + Too Much Time) = This.

Bittersweet

The return of Bitter cars in 2007 – a series of German sports/luxury coupes and sedans made in the 70’s and 80’s – was bittersweet. It was sweet because a brand I liked was returning, but bitter because the new car called the Vero was a warmed over Holden Caprice that was beaten with an ugly stick. Actually, reviving a brand to destroy it isn’t very sweet, come to think of it. Bittersour might be more appropriate.

Toyota MR-2 Mustake

Usually when you’re provided a cheap mid-engine car and you have delusions of grandeur, you turn it into same slightly odd-looking Ferrari or Lamborghini. So I’m sure what to call the disorder that would cause you to turn your Toyota MR-2 into an imitation Mustang – a car that isn’t exactly the hardest to come by. Reverse Redneckism?

OK – these are trying to look like Shelby Mustangs, which are rarer and more expensive that your run-of-the-mill Mustang. But wouldn’t it be easier to by an ACTUAL Mustang and make it look like a Shelby? You can probably buy one for the same price as an MR2, and it wouldn’t look like an abomination.

Bentley Gets Porsche Envy

Bentley's new Continental Supersports ISR (also notable for having an extremely long 32 character name) appears to be emulating the world's most bloated Porsche GT3.

Tirrito Ayrton R

The Tirrito Ayrton R looks like the unholy bastard child of a Pagani Zonda and a Lamborghini Reventon. Although it looks home made, it's surprisingly a boutique car maker that's apparently made multiple cars.

SixTen Sabre

Have a Mustang convertible and think it's not unique enough? Like British cars but have very little taste? The SixTen Sabre is the kit car for you! Using a Mustang base, they add a swoopy (and flimsy) body kit with Mini headlights that lend a Morgan air (not exactly the most attractive car in itself) and rotated Volvo taillights that look all kinds of wrong.

2012 Honda Civic

Again, not exactly a case of fugliness, but a case of moving backward, not forward. Or one might argue maintaining status quo. Still, one would think a major revision to a car would involve making it a bit more desirable.


The 2012 Honda Civic is only remarkable in how much it looks like the current model. The biggest change can be seen on the sedan, which abandons the old hockey stick taillights (aka: controvertial; fugly) in place of some more generic, previous generation Camry type taillights. While they aren't as strange, the also manage to make the car look older.


The revisions to the coupe look even less drastic - but somehow manage to make the look of the previous sleek little coupe a bit more chunky and ungainly.


Although occasional mild redos may be typical Honda fashion, this segment is suddenly en vogue now that gas prices have been and are still rising. Competition is only going to get more fierce, and it's competitors know this. Kia's recent Forte and Forte Koup are lookers, and Hyundai's Elantra is a bombshell. Ford's Fiesta and the Chevrolet Cruze are also substantially better looking and have upped the bar for interior refinement. Hyundai is also planning an Elantra coupe and hatchback/wagon (something Honda doesn't even offer). This might be the wrong time for a mild redo.

2013 Ford Taurus

Ford is facelifting the Taurus for 2013, and while not exactly fugly I definately don't think it's an improvement.

2010 Taurus

2013 Taurus

While the Taurus reboot in 2010 was sleek and attractive, the 2013 refresh tries to bring in a hint of Mustang with it's new headlights. However these are complimented by a larger overwrought grille and fascia. The grille between the headlights is marred by strips of chrome that look like they were added as an afterthought. Down below is more chrome lipping the central portion of the grillework, splitting it into three segments with separate design themes. I think overall a bit too much is going on. I've attached my take on a slight revision to clean up the front end a bit.

Original

Take #1 - No Chrome

Take #2 - Central Strip

2013 also brings a facelift and separate facial identity for the SHO. The grille between it's headlights is an expanse of black plastic mesh, whose simpler look looks better. However from certain angles this huge field of plastic looks a bit cheap.